Aging
Aging is not something I thought of in reference to myself. It was this thing that happened to those who came before me. I guess I believed I’d be “young” forever. But the signs are here and they’ve been slowly approaching for years.
I started getting grey hairs in my 40’s, but because they were few and far between, I just plucked them. When I entered my 50’s I decided to let them be.
I was shocked when, at 49, I rapidly went into menopause. By year 52 I was post-menopausal and grieving the loss of a cycle that was faithful to me my teen and adult years, but also my fertility. I’m grateful for the miracle child I did birth but craved another until I realized that time was over.
I look at myself now at Level 55, “years old” isn’t allowed in my vocabulary, and I think, “WOW!” I am living my mid-life journey as a post-menopausal woman and empty nest mother of a young adult in college on the other side of the nation. Sometimes I just sit with the reality that I never prepared for, but who really does.
I don’t ever recall conversations about aging other than, “Don’t get old,” with a list of complaints that followed. I’ve had that “I’m gonna be young forever” mentality while internally cancelling everyone’s physical issues from becoming my reality. Since I’ve always been “different,” I knew I’d have a different path, and so far, I have.
I have been athletic most of my life and even during my post-partum period, I spent a great deal of time walking. Activity is my sanity and when I’m sedentary, it shows in my body and moods.
My parents are both active people. My mother is a walker, as SF folks we walked everywhere and even in her 80’s, she still walks daily. My father and his wife were avid hikers for years. They don’t adventure like they used to, however.
Being active is in my genetics, but as the extreme person that I am, I took it up a notch years ago with gymnastics, long distance cycling, water sports, and yes, my beloved hiking.
I also began formally studying nutrition in 2010, six years after herbalism, and because of health issues, I maintained a strict gluten-free lifestyle for several years after that. I monitor what I eat and drink, while enjoying bonus days where I eat a lot of my less healthy favorites. I mention this because I do think lifestyle adds to healthier aging. But the fact remains, I am gaining years. If you’re reading this, so are you.
I think a lot of people view aging as being closer to death, I know I did. But I currently view aging as a gift denied to many. I’ve seen people my age and younger passing away rapidly due to various illnesses. Even with the current turmoil going on in this world, every single day I wake up I say, “Thank you!” That means I have another chance at life, even as the years go by.
Then there are those who fight the signs of aging. Capitalism is having a field day profiting from insecurities. I say this with respect to other’s choices. There’s coloring the greys, Botox, a plethora of “anti-aging” products, the nip and tuck, and of course the massive surgeries that cause folks to be unrecognizable; all in an effort to maintain a “youthful” appearance.
Years ago, I made the decision to age “Gracefully.” For me that means accepting the process as is, and how it will show up for me. I have some grey hair on my sides, I’m seeing a few more wrinkles (The most challenging part of this journey for me), and intense hikes wear me out more.
I also embrace the gift of wisdom that comes from aging. I have less of a filter, a very low tolerance for BS, allow myself time to rest, and embrace all my feelings.
I can’t say that I fear aging, but I do think more about living life fully with the years I have left. I can say that I get annoyed with people who feel the need to narrate the foregone conclusion of what that looks like. It’s different for everyone and honestly there are people who feel better as they age.
I personally know people who are older than I am and they look fabulous, are very active, and at least one claims to still feel the same as his youth. Honestly, because of who this person is and how he lives his life, I 100% believe him.
I’ve heard some women say sex is better, while others say it’s miserable. I wouldn’t know because at this point, I’ve been celibate way longer than I planned.
There are people in their 70’s-90’s still running marathons, participating in yoga, hiking, walking, and more. One of my favorites is Johanna Quass, who actively competed in gymnasts well into her 90’s. She’s now in her 100’s and still reportedly active. These are people I look to as inspiration, the possibilities of living fully into my 100’s is enticing. We’ll see.
Aging is a reality, until the day arrives when it’s not. The signs show up differently for everyone. I refuse to shout that it’s all mindset and all you have to do is shift your thinking. When one is dealing with the reality of pain and the physical signs of aging, that’s insulting.
I do believe that we can change our minds individually, gather with others who share the same mindset, and fully address what’s presenting itself in a way that’s nourishing.
If there’s pain, look at it, find the root and address it.
Wrinkles, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “You’re here, and I love you anyway.”
Grey hairs, “Salt and pepper is sexy,” not just in men, but women too.
Tired, give yourself the gift of rest.
What I would like to offer is that we each look at where we are on this aging journey, define it according to our own values, and then take steps to nurture the reality. Afterall, if you’re still here, there’s a chance to shift what it looks like, for you.
Blessings,
Tara
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